The chemistry between new couples is palpable, and the sex is often spontaneous, exciting, and frequent. Unfortunately, many couples let the passion dwindle as the years go on, and this is a major cause of relationship dissatisfaction and separation. One reason sex is so important in a relationship is that orgasms cause a massive release of the love hormone oxytocin — which is a key formulator of love, trust, and connectivity. Oxytocin also helps promote positive relationship behaviors such as listening, laughing, and affirming.
Don't let a lackluster sex life lead to the demise of your coupledom. Follow the below 6 steps to maximize your libido, pleasure, and performance and reignite the passion in your relationship.
Step#1: Consume an Unprocessed, Plant-Based Diet
What you eat has a major impact on the hormones and chemicals that are responsible for libido, arousal, and pleasure. I recommend you vastly reduce or eliminate processed, packaged, and fast foods because they make you feel bloated, sluggish, and anything but sexy. They also clog your arteries, which reduces the ability of blood to flow to your sex organs. This results in decreased pleasure sensations, it can hinder your ability to orgasm, and it can lead to sexual dysfunction. I also recommend you eliminate animal products because similar to processed foods, they clog your arteries. Meat and dairy are additionally problematic for men because they can lead to a condition called estrogen dominance and estrogen dominance is an underlying cause of erectile dysfunction (ED).
Focus on consuming a wholefoods based diet, with at least 12 servings of vegetables daily. This type of diet will ensure you have all the nutrients and antioxidants necessary for optimum sexual functioning. Some particularly beneficial foods for enhancing your sex-life include deep leafy greens, hot peppers, garlic, apples, avocadoes, bananas, watermelon, beets, oysters, beans, quinoa, nuts, and seeds.
Step #2: Boost Your Nitric Oxide Levels
Nitric oxide, or NO, is a very important molecule that transmits signals throughout the body. Increasing NO causes the blood vessels to expand, which enhances blood flow to the sexual organs. In so doing, it increases sexual pleasure, improves your ability to orgasm, and helps to ward off sexual dysfunction.
NO levels typically decline after 30, and unhealthy lifestyle factors can accelerate this decline. To increase nitric oxide levels, get at least 15 minutes of sunlight exposure daily, and consume NO boosting foods such as beets, dark leafy greens, raw cocoa, watermelon, pomegranate, walnuts, and citrus. For a more pronounced effect, take a nitric oxide boosting supplement such as Beet Vitality or Stay Young Am.
Step #3: Manage Your Stress Levels
Stress negatively impacts your sex life in 3 major ways. Firstly, it prevents the blood vessels from fully dilating which reduces blood flow to the pleasure organs. Chronic stress also reduces the production of important sex hormones because the body becomes too preoccupied with producing the stress hormone cortisol (which is a libido killing hormone). Last but certainly not least, it affects your brain which is your biggest sex organ. Stress can make you feel anxious, fatigued, and depressed – 3 feelings that are anything but sexy; and if you do have sex it can cause you to be distracted, which will reduce your ability to receive pleasure.
Some great ways to reduce stress include regular exercise, meditation, deep breathing, a regular sleep schedule, time spent in nature, journaling, listening to music, laughing, and avoiding stimulants such as caffeine and sugar. Also, make high-quality sleep a priority because your ability to handle stress is vastly reduced when you have not slept well. To optimize sleep quality implement sleep hygiene practices such as keeping electronics out of the bedroom, sleeping in a cool, dark, and quiet environment; going to bed and waking at the same time, and avoiding caffeine within 6 hours of bedtime.
Step #4: Be A More Loving and Accepting Partner
A deep connection is a major contributor to a mutually satisfying sex life. So spend more quality time with your partner, go on dates, send sexy texts, hold hands, hug, kiss, and cuddle as much as possible! And if you really want to get each other in the mood, start the evening off with a lengthy, full-body massage. Also worth noting, your relationship should lift you up, not drain you, and you need to remember always, your lover is your partner, not your enemy. Trying to have the last word or refusing to apologize is one of the worst things you can do. During arguments, ask yourself - “Would I rather be right, or happy?”
Remember no one is perfect, accept your partner's flaws, and focus instead on all the wonderful things that made you fall in love with them. Learn the 5 languages of love, and try and find ways throughout the day to make your partner feel loved and cared for. Once you take the initiative to be more loving with your partner, to stop projecting your feelings onto them, and to become more mindful of their wants and feelings, the whole dynamic will shift. Your partner will respond more lovingly with you, and your passion for each other will naturally reignite.
Step #5: Optimize Testosterone Levels
Testosterone is responsible for the maintenance of a healthy sex life and it can notably enhance libido, arousal, and pleasure in both men and women. In men, it also supports healthy sperm production, reduces impotence risk, and helps prevent and reverse many cases of ED.
You can boost testosterone levels naturally by exercising regularly and including strength training as well as high-intensity exercises in your regime. Your diet plays a major role as well, and you should eliminate caffeine, sugar, and processed foods. Try to eat a whole-foods based diet and emphasize zinc-rich foods such as black beans, chickpeas, pumpkin seeds, spinach, mushrooms, cashews, and cocoa. And finally, take herbal testosterone boosting supplement. I recommend Testro-Vida Pro as it is safe, and clinically formulated supplement that contains zinc, Maca, Catuaba, and Tribulus, and nearly 20 other herbs that help boost vitality and sexual function.
#6: Embrace Your Body and Your Sexuality
There is an unfortunate amount of shame surrounding sexuality, and shame can seriously hinder your sex life. It can also prevent you from initiating sex, experimenting in the bedroom, and from letting go and getting out of your head during the act. If you have body image issues, worrying about your appearance and/or trying to hide your body during sex stops you from being in the moment and the negative thinking can make the whole experiencing undesirable.
Become more comfortable with your body by sleeping and walking around your house naked, by dancing uninhibited (even if you only have the courage to do so privately), by writing down 5 things you love about your body, and by pleasuring yourself freely. After completing the above, go to a sex store and buy some toys, try role-playing and/or dressing up, share your sexual fantasies with your partner, experiment with different sex positions, explore each other’s entire bodies, and use lubrication when necessary. If you have body image issues, positive affirmations, avoiding comparing yourself to others, consuming social media with a critical eye, and listening to my LFC audio track - Love Your Body can help. For deeper issues, you may want to consider seeing a therapist or working with a life coach.
The above guidelines for improving pleasure and intimacy are explored and explained in much greater depth in my highly acclaimed book “Mastering Love, Sex, and Intimacy.” The book is written for both men and women and it will show you how to become an amazing lover, overcome sexual dysfunction, maximize libido, fertility, and connectedness; and create an exciting, multi-orgasmic sex life. You can also purchase our Love Bundle which includes ‘Mastering Love, Sex, and Intimacy’, Testro Vida Pro, and Testro Genin cream to help you reach the full potential of your sexuality.